Ugly Quotes

The nice thing about being the sole host is that I don’t have to appear here in italics.  You can’t rent a good italics  like you can a tux—-and, by the way, what do you think of mine?  I like the line here, but I’m not crazy about the velvet lapels.  At any rate, appearing in italics is tiring.  You have to spend the whole night leaning  thirty degrees to stage right like a novice mime practicing the walking in a windstorm routine.  You probably didn’t notice, but the last couple of times I leaned too far and lost my balance and fell over on top of a busboy.  Same busboy both times.  Both times he was carrying a full tray of china.  Amazing how fate likes a joke like that.  That ironic part is that both times I was aiming at the cigarette girl.